Sexual Geekdom Bucket List

I’ll be perfectly honest. I’m not sure where the idea of the Sexual Bucket List originated. I can’t credit the creator. But I LOVE the concept. I’m a fan of lists in general. They organize thoughts, and putting things in black and white makes them tangible, at least for my brain. So, many moons ago, I began writing down items on my own Sexy Bucket List. It continues to grow organically as I develop in my sex geekdom. Things are accomplished and checked on the list (never removed). And new and fun items are added all the time. At last count, I was up over 60 items and growing. I know what you’re thinking, dear curious reader. But no, I will NOT post my entire Sexual Bucket List here in this platform. There are two reasons for this; first, some things on anyone’s bucket list (sexual or otherwise) are private. Secondly, over 60 items is a lengthy list and I dare not bore you to tears. But I will share a few notable items here, just for fun. Maybe putting some intended goals and/or carnal wishes out into the ether will cause enough ripples in the universe to bring about realization. A perv can dream can’t he? So, below is a partial list along with accompanying comments from yours geekly. Here we go.(In no particular order)

1. Attend at least one Catalyst Con, both East and West. – Isn’t this on the Bucket list of every sex geek? It’s like the Hajj. (*DISCLAIMER: NO, I am NOT denigrating the religious practice in any way.) The pilgrimage that all sex geeks owe to themselves for edification and connection with THE Community. If you’ve ever sat on the sidelines (at home) while Everyone who is Anyone in Sex Geekdom, Sex Positivity and feminism live-tweeted the ever loving shit out of your twitter feed from #ccon, you’ve asked yourself, Why in the Seven Hells am I NOT there?

2. Attend Tristan Taormino’s Sex Educator Boot Camp– I will go on record here. I have a shameless, slobbering (virtual) love affair with Tristan Taormino. I love her work as a queer sex educator, as an editor, as a porn director and author. She advocates for anal sex in a truly inspirational way. IN TRISTAN I TRUST. I could go on, but I won’t. What better way to distinguish one’s self than to go through her boot camp for sex educators? Seriously, it should be a standard certification that sex educators advertise, right up there with AASECT. (i.e. Juan Jones, PhD, MSW, TTSEBC) And really Twitter, why isn’t the Tristan verified with celebrity status? Would it kill the internet to give her, and her nearly 41,000 followers, the little blue check mark she has earned?

2b. Be fisted by Tristan Taormino– Every asshole should be so lucky.

3. Get a “Sex Geek” Tee Shirt in My Size (4X)– How awesome is Reid Mihalko? “Be the change you want to see in the bedroom.” “Date your species.” The “Safer Sex Elevator Speech.” The guy is a wealth of amazing knowledge and advice and is so much fun. It would be a privilege to learn from the master. His Sex Geek Summer Camp is on the list. But here, I refer to the fact that fat boys are Sex Geeks too. And that would be EPIC. I’d wear it with pride, after the embarrassing giddiness wore off.

4. Own a GIANT vulva puppet, name it “Gloria”– I already own a more “moderate” sized one. But I’m talking about (as we say here in Texas) a biggun. One that is almost so large it is obscene. The kind of prop that makes you chuckle just by looking at it. Then, I’d want to educate with it. Show off all its wonderful parts and teach others. Wouldn’t that be glorious?

5. Give Dan Savage a fist bump– Come on, Dan is so fucking cool. The guy coined the terms, “pegging” and “the Santorum”. The world of Sex Geeks owes a lot to ‘THE DAN’. As for the fist bump; Dan is a fit, muscular, gay white man that likes skinny boys. I’m a short, fat, bald, straight black guy that prefers fat women. Everyone else would want to hug him. I just want to post a photo of Dan and I touching the fist on my Twitter. I like to be different.

6. Kiss Eden Alexander’s Feet– Purely for fanboy reasons. #EdenArmy

7. Hug Siouxsie Q– More fanboy reasons. Whorecast  Siouxsie Q

8. Participate in (or organize) a SWOP- Houston event– S.W.O.P. The Sew Worker Outreach Project is a fantastic organization that does amazing and important work. Alas, there is no chapter here in Houston. So, this item will take some doing. Houston currently is the third largest city in the U.S., in terms of population. Trafficking is a concern here as much as it is everywhere. But more than that, there are a large number of sex workers in Houston, NOT ALL OF WHOM ARE VICTIMS of TRAFFICKING. Some sex workers want to to be sex workers. THEY ALL DESERVE A CHAMPION. My beloved hometown needs to be involved in days like December 17, the International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers and March 3, International Sex Worker Rights Day.

9. Get the following authors to autograph their books for me– Charlie Glickman, Dossie Easton, Madison Young, Jenny Block, Tristan Taormino (of course), Cooper Beckett, Laura Antoniou, Rachel Kramer Bussel and many others…

10. Chat with Ashley Manta about sex toys and lube@ashleymanta is just lovely inside and out. She seems so real, personable, smart and fun. What I know of her from her podcast, blog and her written work reveals a truly brave and beautiful human being and a crazy sexy brain. She is a role model. I want to be a “lube evangelist” just like Ashley.

11. Be showered in the glitter and awesomeness of Crista Anne– You know how kids engage in hero worship? Or maybe you, as a kid, told yourself, “if I could just meet/touch/talk to that certain amazing someone (real or fictional) everything would be so much better.” Well, I have that person. Crista Anne is a real life, honest to geekdom, rainbow-colored super heroine. She’s a modern day wonder woman (mom, blogger, spouse, educator, sex geek, unicorn), and just a bouncing ball of love. I think of her as the kind of person that could give you a hug and heal your top three afflictions in one glittery instant. Stellar in her struggles, magnificent in her imperfections, she is supernatural in so many awesomely human ways. One “mighty” hug could change the world. #OrgasmQuest

So there it is. A few choice items from my Sexual Bucket list as it stands today. I always encourage others to make and update their own lists. Share them with a lover and/or friend. Update them often. Make it fun and real. Have a blast. Mine is always subject to change and, as such, to be revisited here on this blog. One day, perhaps I’ll share some of the completed tasks from the list. Won’t that be fun?

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